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If you are obsessive-compulsive, please
press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask
someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities,
please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we
know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace
the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully
and a little voice will tell you which
number to press.
If you have a nervous disorder, please
fidget with the # key until a representative
comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state
your name, address, phone, date of
birth, social security number and
your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress
disorder, slowly and carefully press
000.
If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9.
If you have a masochistic complex,
please press "0" for the
operator. There are 200 calls ahead
of you.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter
which number you press. No one will
answer.
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